Things Left Unsaid
by Ayumu Foxtail-chan
Summary: She hadn't heard from him since that fateful day in the Plasma Castle. And while a letter from out of the blue hadn't been what she'd expected, it was exactly what she needed. ―Ferriswheelshipping


_**Things Left Unsaid**_

It was on a crisp autumn evening that the letter came. Unova always had the tendency to usher in the cooler seasons prematurely and this year had been no exception. White swore that just a week ago it'd been the heat of the summer and she'd been practically frying to a crisp in only going out to the mailbox. But now the coin had flipped and the leaves were changing as fast as the Pidoves were flying south for the winter.

In fact, a flock was overhead now, heading down perhaps to Alola, where they'd wait out the cold in a tropical paradise. White squinted. Well, that was, all except one which seemed to be flying against the flow and nearly colliding with the others of its kind.

It squawked and tumbled, twirling and finally breaking free of the pack, getting bigger as it began to descend. It wasn't in fact a Pidove, rather what she recognized as a Starly. White hadn't ever seen one in her native region. And it only took a moment before she realized it was flying directly to her.

It fluttered down wearily, landing on the railing of her front porch in Nuvema Town. She was back visiting her mother, and Professor Juniper while she was at it. White enjoyed the hubbub and chaos of being the Unova Champion but at the same time… it was nice to visit her roots. Where she came from. A town painfully sleepy in contrast to the upscale destination that was the Pokémon League.

The Starly was panting heavily and leaned forward, a small and crumpled envelope in its beak. White took it graciously and opened the door just enough to grab a bit of Pokémon food from her bag by the door. She held it out to the poor bird who let out a pitiful, yet grateful squeak before digging in.

White dusted off her hands and turned the envelope over. It had her address on it along with her name, but nothing about who it was from. With a shrug she tore it open. Whoever it was had been lucky she'd taken an impromptu vacation. What were the chances, after all, that she actually would've been home to receive it? Her mother typically had to forward on any mail that still came to her childhood residence.

Inside was one very plain sheet of paper. She unfolded it to find an oddly familiar scrawling handwriting. Cursive that was so impeccable it almost looked like a designated font printed off by a computer. Her eyes trailed to the bottom of the letter and her heart stopped.

 _~N_

White's eyelids fluttered and she found it hard to conjure a coherent thought. N… had written her a letter. It'd been almost five years since she'd had her battle with him, in the crumbling Harmonia Castle that'd served as his beautiful prison for most of his life. She'd defeated him there, stopping Plasma's ambitions and in turn, throwing a very painful wrench into his plans and ideals. She caused him to question everything he'd ever thought to be true in that one moment. The moment Reshiram went crashing to the ground and with it, the notion that Pokémon were better without humans.

That'd been the last she'd seen or heard of him. No contact. No calls. No letters. No information on the news somewhere about him being spotted. Nothing. She'd wanted to consider him a friend… after all they were the two legendary heroes and something about that tied them together in a way much more complex than was within either of their grasps. She felt close to him despite only knowing him for a year or so. As close as her childhood friends she'd grown up with. As close as her Pokémon companions that were her better halves. And yet he'd disappeared without a word and she was faced with the reality that he probably didn't feel the same.

It had all been in her head. She'd read too much into it. They weren't friends. They weren't something special. The butterflies she got in her stomach when she thought of his smile and of the words they'd shared were hers and hers alone. He didn't feel the same. He hadn't seen a future for them like she had.

Part of her had begun to wonder if it'd all been a weird dream. If perhaps maybe she'd only met him in her sleep and he'd never really existed at all. But here was a letter in his handwriting here and now… It was reassuring and yet nerve-wracking.

She gathered her thoughts quickly enough and began to read.

 _Dear White,_

 _I think I owe you an apology. I think I knew I owed you an apology the last time we were together, but I was too much of a coward to say anything. So I feel the need to set the record straight._

 _I apologize for putting you through so much at such a young age; especially when you hadn't asked for any of it in the first place. I was, at the time, out to change the world for what I thought was the better, and along with it I unknowingly roped you into contrasting me. You had to step up and be something so much bigger than yourself which I know was hard for you. It would've been hard for anyone. I believe it might've actually been impossible for anyone aside from you. You have this way of exceeding expectations and affecting people's hearts that I could've only dreamed of having. Maybe then more people would've seen and understood the way I was thinking back then… even if it was the wrong answer, in the end._

 _But most importantly, I apologize for all I put you through._

 _And I also want to thank you._

 _I know it wasn't anything that you'd asked for, but I do want to thank you for being… you. For being the other hero and taking good care of Zekrom and showing me, and Team Plasma, that what we were doing was wrong. How we were thinking was wrong. And then showing us… or me, anyway, how to begin thinking the right way._

 _You defeated me when that is what I needed you to do the most. I just didn't know it at the time._

 _I suppose I want to apologize for that, too. I'm sorry for leaving so abruptly and… never really coming back. I think there's some things between us that haven't been settled or that need to be settled and I haven't seen you since, so we haven't had the chance. So for that I do apologize, as well. Though I don't sense we have any bad blood. I do hope you feel the same in that respect._

 _I've been doing a lot of traveling since we last saw each other. I've been to several different regions and I've seen so many things that I never could've even imagined back then. Pokémon and human bonds that I didn't know could exist. Places and legends that are so influential I sometimes wonder how I could've ever thought that these beautiful creatures we call Pokémon were better off without us. We have a symbiotic relationship. Neither is better off without the other. Neither is happier without the other. There's a balance._

 _I could've never realized this without you. I feel less troubled now, as if a giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders. And it's all thanks to you._

 _And so I do, eternally, thank you for all you've done for me._

 _I hope this letter finds you in good health. I believe the last time I heard, you had become Champion and were doing a fine job. It makes me happy to hear this. I believe it was your dream and I hardly see another more fit for the position than you._

 _I know not of how you are doing, beyond that, though. So I do hope you are well. I hope you have many new Pokémon partners and have found peace in your own way. I know you are surrounded by those who love you and you have some truly amazing friends that helped you on your journey, so I don't doubt you're doing alright._

 _I also feel the need, for one reason or another, to tell you that… I suppose I sort of miss you._

"White?"

She jumped, scrambling to brush away a single tear that'd somehow escaped while reading N's letter. Cheren was inside, calling out to her. "Y-Yeah, just a minute; I'll be right back in. Just looking at the mail."

She took a deep breath and blinked a few times. The letter had taken her back so poignantly that she'd almost forgotten where she was. That's right… back in Nuvema with her mother and Bianca and Cheren getting dinner ready inside…

N had hoped her friends had stayed with her, and they had. He'd hoped she was doing well, and she most definitely was. She was happy, a kind of happy she'd only dreamed of being. Sure, it felt like there was a piece missing somewhere, and she always sort of brushed it off as just not having closure with N, but she was happy.

And then suddenly she felt guilty. She'd moved on without him, N. Sure they were both doing their own growing up apart, and moving on in their own ways but she'd moved on in another, too. Around a year after she'd become Champion and Cheren had gotten his Gym in Aspertia City, he'd gotten up the courage to ask her out. It was no secret he'd had a crush on her since they were little, and she decided she, too, wanted to give them a shot.

And it'd worked out. Wonderfully so, in fact. Cheren was sweet and caring and she'd seen sides of him she'd never known existed, despite the fact that she thought she knew him inside-out. He was kind of perfect… and she did love him. And yet here she was, reading the letter from N, the same butterflies in her stomach and her heart racing because of the last line she'd read.

Her thumb sat beneath the line, itching to go on. N had missed her… She'd most definitely missed him but again, she assumed it'd been one-sided.

White could hear the voices of her family inside, Cheren's throaty laugh echoing through the doorway. It was just a letter… it wasn't like it was doing any harm.

 _I'm not sure if I've ever missed a person before, so it's a little new for me. And as I'm writing this I almost feel as if I regret telling you… though I'm not sure why._

 _I sometimes think back to our ride in the Ferris wheel. It was such a beautiful night and the lights of the carnival below seemed at the time so trivial. I wanted to tell you who I really was that night because I wanted to be honest with you. We'd met a few times and I knew you were the one who would be on the other side in the end, so I wanted everything to be out in the open. I knew you'd hate me… I just knew it, but you didn't._

 _You were mad at first, sure, to find out who I was but I think you thought you could save me. And as it turns out, you could._

 _Regardless, I sometimes think back to that Ferris wheel ride when I feel alone. Those carnival lights now seem so bright and so important. The little moments like those, they're the most important. I was blind to that back then. But I remember how close we were. How quiet it was before I said anything and how you would jump when our knees would touch. I don't think I've ever felt that close to a human before, and the memory brings me peace._

 _I'm not well-versed in emotion or human interaction, but I am getting better. I still don't know what I felt for you back then, or what I feel now. I tried to put many labels on it or kid myself one way or another, but the fact of the matter is, I felt, or feel, something very special for you. Something unique. Something I'm not sure has a word and I know for a fact that I won't feel this for anyone else as long as I live._

 _I think that's maybe why I ended up missing you. You're the one I was closest with… but you were also something special to me._

 _Anyway, I do believe I've gotten rather off-topic. Besides, I'm not sure what possessed me to write some of this… nor how you'll take it. I won't be there to see, though, which I'm oddly grateful for._

 _I'm sending this with a Starly I've recently befriended who appears to be quite dependable. It's an awfully long flight but I have faith he'll make it. Knowing you, you'll take good care of him when he arrives._

 _I'm leaving this town tomorrow and heading to the coast. I'm not sure where I'm going anymore, just wherever the wind takes me, I guess. Which honestly is exactly how I've grown to like it. Maybe someday our paths will cross again and we'll be able to catch up. In fact, I hope they do._

 _~N_

She swept the letter again, taking a few deep breaths. The myriad of emotions in her chest were hard to place… She was glad to have heard from him again. She was glad to know he was still alive and well and to know that he found some closure and happiness along the way. She'd hoped only the best for him, after all, as she watched him soar out of sight that fateful day, disappearing as a little dot on the horizon as she was left to clean up the mess that his Team had made and reassemble what was left of the League and a very divided Unova.

And yes, her heart did feel very giddy at the prospect of him actually missing her. It seemed beyond her comprehension now that maybe he felt something more for her… He was right when he said he wasn't good with emotion or labels but to her, what he'd described, the feeling of connection and a special relationship… it had been exactly what she'd felt. What she still felt to this day.

She felt a little less guilty now, too. It was an echoed sort of longing that she felt for N which she knew, deep down, was better left that way. White hoped just as much as N did that they would meet again. She wanted to patch up their holes and leave nothing unsaid, and yet the progression of their relationship into something more… Something just told her that it was better for them both this way.

It was like a first love. Something so powerful and something that would tug at their heartstrings forever, no matter how far away they were. But something better as a memory than an experience.

Because she would forever love him in a unique way that she couldn't describe. And yet she'd turn around and go back inside and kiss Cheren on the cheek and know, somehow, that _this_ was where she was meant to be.

* * *

 _The Sinnoh League Challenge - Route 202 vs Starly - write about a flying type Pokemon_

 **Ferriswheelshipping was my original OTP so I still always have a sweet spot for it. And the feels have been strong lately too, for some reason.  
It's been a long time since I've written anything Ferriswheel though so I hope it was all in-character. I just sort of wanted to explore a more realistic option for these two. While I'd love them to end up together all happily-ever-after I feel like a really unsatisfying ending is more likely. Like they'd just both have the feeling of a first love when thinking about the other one, and nothing more or less... I dunno.  
Anyway, ignore me and my rambles and I hope you enjoyed! I'd love to hear what you thought!  
There are still people who ship this out there... right? I'm not the only one left... right? ;D**

 **~Foxtail-chan**


End file.
